The List:
By: Natalie Rose Kohuth
There comes a time in every young girl’s life where she sits down and makes a list of all of the characteristics and traits her knight in shining armor will have; a whole sheet of paper will be filled with her dreams. She’ll say what color eyes she wants to look into, describe the hair that she wants to see blowing in the wind, and may even dive into describing the smile he’ll wear as he sweeps her off her feet. After she has penned down how tall she wants him to be she’ll shift gears and start praying for all the things she’ll want in his heart and mind. Maybe she’ll want him to be competitive and determined, or maybe she’ll want him to be calm and poetic. The variable traits will be supplemented with how she wants him to be trustworthy, kind, honorable, sweet, outgoing, and most importantly loving. That’s about the point where the pen slips out of her small hands to catch her face in her palms as she sits and daydreams. She will daydream for hours on end about just how he will love her. How will this mysterious unknown man show her that he loves her? To what extent will he go to show her she’s the only one for him, and that she is the most important person in his life?
He may go out and buy flowers or treat her to a romantic night out. His affection could be shown through tenderness and soft embraces, or a respectful kiss on the forehead.
His affection could be shown through a respectful kiss on the forehead."
Boys will come and go; some will remind her of that list that’s probably lying crumpled in the back of her closet just waiting for her to find it. The women in her life that she looks up to will teach her that she was always a beautiful gift from God, and that she needs to believe that before any man can see that in her; she’ll be told how she needs to love herself before she can ever be loved by another and be able to reciprocate accordingly. In her teenage years she will have her fair share of first loves, each meaning more than the last, and as they leave she’ll adopt the reason that they’re just not the one for her. Over time these moments of passing notes in the middle of class and sharing a few moments in the cafeteria will transpire to a yearning for something more permanent.
She’ll start dreaming about a life and how she wants the perfect man to fit in and complete it. Everything from his career to the perfect home will be on her mind. The family pet will spur thoughts of having a family and how many kids she’d like to have. She will stop entertaining boys and pursue an opportunity for a man to walk into her life. Over time she’ll learn that boys look like men long before they act like them. She’ll be disappointed and keep striving to find someone to share her dream with.
A few men will be so promising, they’ll say everything she wants to hear and make promises she wants to believe in. She’ll feel beautiful when they say how sexy she is and when they touch her, forgetting that her heart and soul are what’s truly beautiful. Some time will pass but she will want to hear again how beautiful she is, regardless if the comment stemmed from their view on her mind her body. She’ll rearrange her priorities and pick up a few tight t-shirts that don’t match her normal flowy style. Yearning to feel desired, she’ll set off on a mission to find a man instead of waiting around for him to trip over her; she’s taken her dream into her own hands. She feels so strong and brave; her determination will only falter to her naivety. All the while she’ll be looking for a man, but now she’s at an age where they’ll be distracted for what’s in front of her heart.
Her girlish charms have been covered up by curves; the pigtails she wore when she was eight have succumbed to a more professional and elegant hairstyle. She wants to be recognized as a woman, not a girl. She dons clothing to accentuate her appealing looks, hoping to start conversation with the right guy, but receiving attention from a hundred that are wrong. Now men are showing their true colors in her eyes; countless flock to the girls who flaunt, never asking for more than a few good times. She’ll start questioning, “Is this all men really want?” Does the prince she dreamed of not exist? Her first impression of men won’t do them justice, but will cast them as characters just putting on a good show.
She’ll start dreaming about a life and how she wants the perfect man to fit in and complete it. Everything from his career to the perfect home will be on her mind. The family pet will spur thoughts of having a family and how many kids she’d like to have. She will stop entertaining boys and pursue an opportunity for a man to walk into her life. Over time she’ll learn that boys look like men long before they act like them. She’ll be disappointed and keep striving to find someone to share her dream with.
A few men will be so promising, they’ll say everything she wants to hear and make promises she wants to believe in. She’ll feel beautiful when they say how sexy she is and when they touch her, forgetting that her heart and soul are what’s truly beautiful. Some time will pass but she will want to hear again how beautiful she is, regardless if the comment stemmed from their view on her mind her body. She’ll rearrange her priorities and pick up a few tight t-shirts that don’t match her normal flowy style. Yearning to feel desired, she’ll set off on a mission to find a man instead of waiting around for him to trip over her; she’s taken her dream into her own hands. She feels so strong and brave; her determination will only falter to her naivety. All the while she’ll be looking for a man, but now she’s at an age where they’ll be distracted for what’s in front of her heart.
Her girlish charms have been covered up by curves; the pigtails she wore when she was eight have succumbed to a more professional and elegant hairstyle. She wants to be recognized as a woman, not a girl. She dons clothing to accentuate her appealing looks, hoping to start conversation with the right guy, but receiving attention from a hundred that are wrong. Now men are showing their true colors in her eyes; countless flock to the girls who flaunt, never asking for more than a few good times. She’ll start questioning, “Is this all men really want?” Does the prince she dreamed of not exist? Her first impression of men won’t do them justice, but will cast them as characters just putting on a good show.
She’s back to where she started, sitting up wondering about that list she made and struggling to come to terms with the fact that man simply doesn’t exist. Sadly, the only explanation she can derive for why she hasn’t found something worthwhile is that it simply doesn’t exist. Her previous notions of love are put away with her heart under lock and key. The list she made will come back to bring up the heartache she desperately seeks to avoid. She’ll spend some time here in this limbo of not knowing what’s true, blaming the world for creating men incapable of loving her the way she deserves to be, forgetting that many of the boys she’s encountered will grow into men worthy of her locked up heart.
These men now contend with women who don’t trust them right from the start. She was hurt by a man, or maybe even a few, and now the next man in line, no matter how pure his intentions, will receive the same critical gaze. One day a man, who wants to sweep her off her feet and give her that dream will be met with distrust and cruel contempt due to the actions of another.
These men now contend with women who don’t trust them right from the start. She was hurt by a man, or maybe even a few, and now the next man in line, no matter how pure his intentions, will receive the same critical gaze. One day a man, who wants to sweep her off her feet and give her that dream will be met with distrust and cruel contempt due to the actions of another.
Sadly, the only explanation she can derive for why she hasn’t found something worthwhile is that it simply doesn’t exist."
The man can tell her of his love a hundred times over, but she needs physical proof before she believes his words. She’ll test him just to know his heart is true. Her refusal to have faith before having proof will drive him to wits end; please remember there was a man who spoke sweeter than him, one that had everything on that list checked off and who still left her without ever looking back, leaving her to wonder what she did wrong and why she wasn’t good enough. Somewhere along the way her fairytale got chipped and under the gold paint she saw the true colors of her ideals. She scrapped her list and the romantic notion of love and built a tower to hide away in, determined that any man who wanted her heart would have to be willing to conquer the obstacles she put in place. She won’t realize she got lucky by having the deceitful men walk out on her. Her heart will sit alone behind the walls she instilled wondering if she is even worth the love of a good man if the deceitful one left so easily. The poor girl will sit there and ask herself time and time again, “am I worth loving?”
Her list was supposed to show her what the perfect man would be, but the man the list describes doesn’t exist. She won’t understand that the real perfect man would beat her wildest dreams. The girl is still in a place where her dreams are shattered and she doesn’t know which piece to pick up first.
Her list was supposed to show her what the perfect man would be, but the man the list describes doesn’t exist. She won’t understand that the real perfect man would beat her wildest dreams. The girl is still in a place where her dreams are shattered and she doesn’t know which piece to pick up first.
Am I worth loving?"
The good man will sit there beside himself wondering how she can’t see her own self-worth. If he leaves then she’ll chalk it up as him being no better than the rest. If he stays, oh hallelujah if he stays, the walls will start to falter. One day they’ll completely crash down and she’ll wonder how she was ever so stubborn and so willing to turn away from someone who cared.
Her path was filled with heartache, as is everyone’s at some point. The list showed her what she wanted, but not what she needed. Through trial and error she found a man to love her for her. When you see your daughter or friend making that list, don’t take it away and tell them that it isn’t meant to be. Every girl needs to learn her ideal fairytale doesn’t exist because once she does, she’ll realize how sweet true love can really be.
Her path was filled with heartache, as is everyone’s at some point. The list showed her what she wanted, but not what she needed. Through trial and error she found a man to love her for her. When you see your daughter or friend making that list, don’t take it away and tell them that it isn’t meant to be. Every girl needs to learn her ideal fairytale doesn’t exist because once she does, she’ll realize how sweet true love can really be.